“Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and the flood sweeps over me. I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God.

As for me, my prayer is to you, O LORD. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love, answer me. With your faithful help rescue me from sinking in the mire; let me be delivered from my enemies and from the deep waters. Do not let the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or the Pit close its mouth over me.”–Psalm 69:1-3; 13-15

Just when will an “acceptable time” for my deliverance be? I am sick of “God’s time” being different from our time. I’m asking, pay attention to my time, because in me-time, I am on the verge of drowning. Have you noticed?

The water here is deep, and I have forgotten how to swim. I want to be plucked right out of these waves. I do not want to listen to my friends off in the distance, reminding me how to swim. I do not want to paddle towards the life preserver floating five feet away. I do not want to tread water where sharks might lurk beneath me.

What’s that you say? You sent the voices of friends and the life-preserver, and you gave me these strong legs for treading, and you’ve kept the sharks from attacking thus far? Oh. Well, I’m still asking for more. Get me out of this mess.

What’s that you say? Your voice is fading out here. I can’t hear you over the raging waves. Hello? Are you there?

Tread. Tread. Tread.

Reach for life preserver.

Listen to friends, calling out reminders of how to swim in deep water.

Focus on the coming boat, not the possibility of sharks.

All of this is God talking, God rescuing. I didn’t know it would be this hard. I didn’t know it would take this long.

Later: at home, soaked, but wrapped in warm dry towels. I didn’t know it would feel so miraculous to have made it. I didn’t know I could feel this grateful. I didn’t understand for quite some time that God was in the small things, that deliverance was right there in the water with me.

Kyndall Rae Rothaus is the pastor of Covenant Baptist Church in San Antonio, Texas. On Sunday, May 31, 2015, she was called by Lake Shore Baptist Church in Waco, Texas, to be their new pastor. Kyndall is the author of Preacher Breath, available at Smyth and Helwys She blogs at kyndallrae.com.