Our girls were happily engaged in gymnastics class, and a fellow mom and I were sitting in our favorite coffee shop. We had met at the gymnastics class a few weeks before, and since we were both new to Columbia, South Carolina, we decided to have a cup of coffee and chat. Our girls are close in ages so we were chatting about birthday parties, local preschools, and how hard it felt to get to know other moms in the area.
I shared about a birthday party I had attended with my older daughter and how I answered a lot of questions but didn’t really connect with anyone. She laughed and said, “I bet they asked you the standard three.” She explained, “When people want to figure out where you fit, they ask, ‘Where does your husband work? What college did you attend? And, which church do you go to?’” I was shocked into silence. Somehow she had illuminated my recent encounters. With amazement I said, “You are so right. I have answered those questions over and over again.” She said, “Yep. They are trying to figure you out.” That spark of “That happened to you? Me, too!” launched one of my very first friendships in South Carolina.
I read somewhere friendships are born when the stories of two people connect. When you are in a conversation with someone and you share common experiences, a friendship can begin.
It is important to have friends who share our ministry experience. Ministers should have friends who are ministers, mainly because the opportunities are boundless for one minister to say, “That happened to you? Me too! Let me tell you about it.” When ministers connect with friends who are in ministry, we become smarter, braver, and kinder.
Our minister friends can share their stories about how they engaged conflict or crafted a sermon and we can learn from each other. We are smarter together. Also, I find myself braver when I know I am not the only woman in ministry who has been chastised for her choice of high heels in the pulpit. A friend of mine shared about riding a motorcycle to her preaching engagement when she was noticeably pregnant. With a story like that, I can manage comments about my shoes. And we become kinder. Goodness knows we need to be kinder to ourselves. Being a mother leads to constant self guessing. Add a congregation or non profit to the mix and we can become a ball of anxiety about what we are not getting done. My minister friends remind me that I am enough just as I am, and the tasks on the list will get done, all in due time. Friends in ministry share our journeys because they are on a similar journey.
Ministers have a natural connection because of our roles. There are universal stories about serving a congregation. If we develop friendships with other ministers, we don’t go it alone. We can hear our friend’s story and say, “That happened to you? Me, too!”
Tammy Abee Blom is an ordained Baptist minister, regular contributor to BWIM’s blog, mother of two amazing daughters, teacher for children’s Sunday School, and lives in Columbia, South Carolina.