Today I questioned myself; I fretted about all the possibilities for failure.

Today I celebrated my own uniqueness.

Today I prayed.

Today I wrestled with Scripture: opened a commentary, then closed it when it wasn’t useful and took the text into my own heart instead.

Today I sent emails to a few church members, but mostly I just thought about the people: their lives, their individual journeys of awakening, their personal piles of hardship. I contemplated my own mysterious role in the midst of this messy business of living.

Today I did something that was 100% just for me.

Today I walked my dog, made soup for a rainy day, and started a load of laundry.

Today I wrote a note of appreciation to my husband.

Today I tried to be grateful for all the good in my church. I tried to be less harsh with myself, and I tried to locate that evasive quality of patience.

Today, like every day, I reminded myself that I am so much more than a pastor. I am more than any role that seeks to define me. And armed with that knowledge, I entered yet another day of ministry alive, still learning the ropes, but at least alive to myself and awake to creative possibilities, refusing to squeeze into any superimposed mold, unyielding to the loud voices which want to override the still small voice inside me.

Today I am more than all the outside things I do. My interior looms large, and by tending her, I stoke the fires where first The Call was heard.

Kyndall Renfro is pastor of Covenant Baptist Church, San Antonio, Texas.