This month, we’ll celebrate six months since Parker drew his first breath of life into this world. The last six months have radically changed my life. These moments have been full of blessings and joys. We’ve also faced (and conquered) unexpected illnesses. I’m remembering the college habit of what it means to function on very little sleep. I’ve learned that multi-tasking with a baby at your side requires extra skills. My growing son is teaching me something new about myself each day.
Being Parker’s mom has been another lesson in relinquishing control, a life lesson that I find difficult. It’s also encouraged me to let my own high achieving expectations go. In the midst of these lessons, we struggle to find a common ground from which to understand each other. Most recently, during a particularly fitful crying episode that I’d like to blame on teething (simply because that seems to work when all other causes are eliminated) I decided we’d load up in the car and go for a drive. My mostly mild-mannered child who loves to ride in the car screamed louder while resisting and fighting me to get strapped in his seat. Exhausted and frustrated that I could not meet his needs, I collapsed into the floor in front of him in a tear-filled moment of my own. I thought to myself, “What kind of mother am I?”
In spite of my doubts that day and others that follow, each night Parker confirms I’m the right mother for him as he curls up into my arms. It’s in these moments as he settles down to snuggle before drifting off to sleep that God quietly reminds me that in His grace I am enough. I’m not perfect (someone remove this from the archives so Parker can’t remind me of this when he’s a teenager), but I am the mother for Parker. And in each new discovery, the promises of God and His love for me are displayed through my growing baby boy.
LeAnn Gunter Johns is a Baptist minister, wife, and mother. She lives in Macon, Georgia.