On March 15, 2016, I will celebrate thirty years of friendship with eight women—eight African American women. I place emphasis on our race because, historically, black women have been stereotyped as angry with trust issues and as “drama queens!” Because of these stereotypes, many find it hard to believe that eight African American women could remain best friends for thirty years! People have often been asked, “How did you all stay friends so long?”
We met on March 15, 1986 at a slumber party. We were all high school sophomores/junior at E. E. Smith Senior High School in Fayetteville, North Carolina. The school was vital to our development as women and instrumental in our understanding of relationships. We were groomed to see our classmates as family. So we did.
At that slumber party in 1986, some of us knew one other, but some of us did not; but we clicked instantly. We soon discovered that we were united for a reason. We shared common interests and common goals. We nicknamed ourselves, “The Dream Crew,” because each one of us dreams we wanted to fulfill, and we felt our sustained friendship was the conduit to achieving those dreams.
As high school students, we did it all (yep, we did that!). As we matured in life, we experienced failed relationships, marriages, births, and deaths. Our friendship was tested to the point that it nearly tore us apart. Yet thirty years later, we are still friends. We are still standing. We are still Living the Dream! We have become teachers, administrators, CEOs, ministers, business women, professors, writers, doctors, and God-fearing women! We end each “get together” with prayer, for we know that it is only by God’s grace that we have been friends this long.
On Facebook, we show our “Facebook friends” the good times we share. We post pictures of our spa trips, beach outings, birthday celebrations, stays in five-star hotels, fine dining experiences, and trips to Starbucks! But what you don’t see on Facebook is that the struggle to remain friends is real! We fight—and then we make up. Sometimes in a loving way, we talk behind each other’s back, but we have each other’s back. We are jealous of each other at times, but we celebrate our sister’s accomplishments as if they were our own. We have kept our #1 Rule since high school (Don’t date your best friend’s man!) and that has sustained us and kept us from falling apart.
As we have gotten older, we have come to establish a new rule. We recognize that celebrating each other’s birthday is more important today than it was when we each turned twenty-one! We now make a point each year for at least some of us to be present to celebrate each other’s birthday.
When I think about “friend requests,” I could not have asked for better friends to “like” me and love me in spite of my ugly truths!
Almost thirty years later, we still have slumber parties! We are still dreaming and living the dream!
C. Lynn Brinkley is director of student services and alumni relations and adjunct instructor at Campbell University Divinity School in Buies Creek, North Carolina. Lynn is the author of Manners and Money: A Manual on Preaching Etiquette and serves on the Baptist Women in Ministry Leadership Team.