As I packed a box, I took my “This Is What A Preacher Looks Like” magnets from the refrigerator. I sighed. Although I was (and still am) excited about this new calling, these last several days have brought on a number of feelings. My husband, Darren, and I believe that God is calling us to start a church in Asheville, North Carolina. Yes! We are excited. Yet a new calling to a new place means saying “bye” to people and letting go of some roles.
For the past three years, Darren and I have served as pastors with a loving congregation in the Northern Neck of Virginia. Yes, WE have served as pastors. For the past three years, I have preached at least every other Sunday. And sometimes, it has been every Sunday as Darren and I often preach together.
I look at the rectangle that reads “Preacher” for a little longer than the rest. I realize that in a couple of weeks I will not have the regular responsibility of preparing and delivering sermons. I will no longer stand before beloved faces in a pulpit that was placed in a sanctuary built in 1856. I will no longer weekly declare God’s Word for God’s people, a people who have been meeting to worship God in the Baptist tradition since 1786. I think about my black robe and my stoles and I wonder when I will wear them again on a Sunday morning. I already miss coming down from the pulpit, after giving the benediction, and walking to the front doors to shake hands and give and receive hugs. I clip all of these magnets together and place them in the box.
I told a sister pastor, “We’re either foolish or faithful. Or maybe both.” For the past nine years, Darren and I have served on church staffs. For seven years, being a vocational minister has been my role. For six of those years, we have served on staff together. For all those years, I believed that I could say, “I am a Baptist woman in ministry.” I am minister of children, campus ministry intern, minister of children and outreach, pastor. For all those years, I had the official title, the office, the established church, all evidence that I was and am a Baptist woman in ministry.
Now, just a few days later, those same rectangles that spell out “This Is What A Preacher Looks Like” are on my refrigerator in Asheville, where I don’t anticipate anyone in our new community calling out, “Good morning, pastor,” as I walk our dog, Duke. Now my job title, the job for which I will receive a paycheck, will not include a church name nor the word, “minister.” I have found myself wondering, “Why even unclip those small rectangles? I should just stick them in a drawer.” Thankfully, all my kitchen drawers are needed for other things.
I know that I’m grieving letting go of a role.
The rectangles complete with the picture frame are on my refrigerator, and right now, the frame is empty. Yet I know that a picture will complete that magnetic frame in no time. A picture of a church starter being and doing church with the children of God.
By birth, I was born into a Baptist family. By choice, I remain a Baptist. By God’s calling, I am a minister. I am a Baptist woman in ministry. Today, this is what a preacher’s thoughts and feelings look like.
Jessica Williams served as co-pastor of Nomini Baptist Church in Montross, Virginia, from August 2011 until October 2014. She and her husband, Darren, have moved to Asheville, North Carolina, and are exploring God’s calling to plant a church there. This post first appeared on her blog aswewalkthisjourney.